The Life Of David / Marks Of A True Friend | Pastor Nate Keeler
Many of us struggle to build deep, lasting friendships. In a world where connections are often surface-level, how can we form relationships that truly matter?
The Bible gives us a powerful example of friendship in David and Jonathan. Their relationship wasn’t just casual—it was built on trust, vulnerability, and unwavering commitment. In this post, we’ll explore two key traits of godly friendships and how we can cultivate them in our own lives.
1. Godly Friendships Require Emotional Vulnerability
Most people keep their guard up in relationships. We’re afraid of being judged, misunderstood, or seen as weak. But real friendships require honesty and openness.
David and Jonathan shared a deep bond—the Bible says their souls were “knit together” (1 Samuel 18:1). This kind of connection only happens when people are willing to be real with each other. Jonathan listened to David’s fears, confronted hard truths about his father, and was present in David’s pain.
But let’s be honest—vulnerability is hard.
Some of us were raised in families where emotions weren’t discussed. Others have been burned by past friendships, making it difficult to trust again. For many men, emotional openness feels foreign, even unnecessary. But avoiding vulnerability limits the depth of our relationships.
A recent study found that only 5% of men have a friend with whom they openly share their feelings. Only 10% discuss major life issues like marriage, money, or struggles. That’s not enough. We were designed for more than surface-level friendships.
What Emotional Vulnerability Looks Like in Friendships
- Being Honest – A true friend won’t just tell you what you want to hear. They’ll lovingly challenge you when needed.
- Sharing Struggles – Real friends let each other see the unfinished parts of their hearts.
- Listening Without Judgment – A godly friend creates a safe space for honesty, even in tough conversations.
- Showing Up – In pain, celebration, and everyday life, real friends remain present.
Ask yourself: Do I have people in my life who truly know me? Am I willing to let my friends see my struggles, not just my strengths?
If you want deep friendships, you have to take the risk of being real.
But let’s be clear—vulnerability doesn’t mean oversharing with just anyone. It means choosing the right people to trust. Jesus Himself had different levels of relationships: He ministered to crowds, had twelve disciples, and shared His deepest struggles with just three—Peter, James, and John (Matthew 26:36-38).
Like Jesus, we need wisdom in choosing friends who will handle our hearts with care. But once we find them, we must be willing to go beyond small talk and into the real conversations that foster life-changing connections.
2. Godly Friendships Stay Committed Through Thick and Thin
Many people treat friendships like business transactions:
- “As long as this friendship benefits me, I’m in.”
- “If things get complicated, I’m out.”
- “If I find a better friendship elsewhere, I’ll move on.”
But real friendship isn’t about convenience—it’s about commitment.
David and Jonathan made a covenant (1 Samuel 18:3). Even when Jonathan’s father, King Saul, wanted David dead, Jonathan remained loyal. He risked his life for David because their friendship wasn’t based on what was easy or beneficial. It was built on love, faithfulness, and a shared commitment to God.
Signs of a Committed Friendship
- They Stick Around in Hard Times – When life gets messy, true friends don’t disappear.
- They Don’t Keep Score – They serve each other without expecting something in return.
- They Support You in Your Lowest Moments – A real friend shows up with food, prayer, and encouragement when life falls apart.
Who will knock on your door when life collapses?
It’s easy to have friends when life is good. But what about when everything falls apart?
- Who will sit with you when you’re grieving?
- Who will bring you a meal when you’re too broken to cook?
- Who will call you out when you’re heading down a destructive path?
These are the friendships that matter most.
A godly friend isn’t just present for the highlights of your life—they walk with you through the valleys too. Proverbs 17:17 says, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.”
I once had a friend named Dan. We connected through church, bonded over shared humor and interests, and had an easy, enjoyable friendship. But when his life fell apart—his marriage in crisis, his world unraveling—I had a choice. I could slowly back away, or I could step in.
It wasn’t always comfortable. There were messy, emotional conversations. There were moments of frustration, questions about whether things would ever get better. But through prayer, presence, and just showing up, I watched God work a miracle in Dan’s life. His marriage was restored. His faith was strengthened.
And he didn’t need me to have all the answers. He just needed me to stay.
How to Build These Friendships
If you’re thinking, I don’t have friendships like this, don’t be discouraged. Deep, godly friendships don’t happen overnight. They take time, intentionality, and patience.
Here are three steps to start cultivating these relationships:
- Be the Friend You Wish You Had
Instead of waiting for the right people to come into your life, start by being the kind of friend you want. Encourage, support, and invest in others without expecting anything in return. - Prioritize Presence Over Perfection
You don’t have to be the perfect friend—you just have to show up. Send the text. Make the call. Knock on the door. Sometimes, the best friendships are built in the simple, ordinary moments. - Pray for God to Bring the Right People into Your Life
If you feel lonely or disconnected, ask God to provide the right friendships. He knows what you need. And while you wait, lean into your relationship with Jesus—because He is always there.
And above all, lean into Jesus—the greatest friend you’ll ever have.